Far from home

Wow I can't believe it's been so long since I have blogged.  It isn't because I've lacked the opportunity.  I've just been lazy.  In fact, I spent the whole weekend in either a swimsuit or my pjs.  I've actually been doing that quite a lot.  I feel like my life has been dealing with extremes--it's either I'm extremely busy or extremely lazy.  I'm trying to learn moderation but so far it's not working so well ;).

So lately I've really been feeling how truly far away from home I am.  You would think I would be used to it by now.  Almost 11 years of being an Army wife plus the 4 years I was in the Army before I got married means I haven't been close to home for almost 15 years now.  I haven't been home for a summer since 2003.   I carry a huge sense of guilt that I haven't been home more often.  My family never makes me feel guilty for not coming home, but I still feel it.  I try and think of it in that even though I haven't been home that often, they haven't been to see me much either, but that doesn't really help the guilt either. 

Maybe it isn't so much guilt as much as I feel that I'm loosing opportunities.  Opportunities for my kids and my brothers' kids to get close.  Opportunities for my kids to know their great grandparents and grandparents.  Opportunities for my kids to know what South Dakota is like in the summer. 

 I've been a little envious of friends who have family close or visit often.  I have friends who have parents that are able to take the grandchildren for a weekend, week, and some for even a month.  I don't need them to take the kids, but it sure would be nice for them to have some of the same experiences that I had.

This weekend I've been feeling especially guilty because I had planned to go to South Dakota at the end of the month, but decided this weekend to not go.   It really started to hit me that I would be traveling over 24 hours by myself with the 2 kids--both ways.  Plane tickets are outrageous.   Add that to the fact that Jace has a football camp starting sooner than I thought (so less time at home).  I mentioned it all to Danny and he expressed his concern about me traveling alone with the kids, so with our combined concern I figured it's better for me not to go.  I did make him promise we would go next summer though. ;)

Now I just need to break it to my family.