Here we go...again: Memories

Wow its been awhile since I blogged. Last week was spring break and we stayed busy. My father-in-law visited, made some freezer meals, and hung out with some friends, and celebrated Easter. It was a pretty good week. I didn't get any quilting or reading done, but I did have a great week.

The last couple weeks the only down side is that my daughter has hit her rebellious stage. I have been at my wits end lately. I find myself yelling more than I want. I hurt for her because I know that me being hard on her makes her sad, but I refuse to let her become another child that feels entitled to everything they want, that thinks it's always someone else's fault, is selfish, or disrespectful. It is my job as her mother to lead her down the right path---even if I have to shove her onto it.

Its also a little frustrating because I know she doesn't act like this for her dad. In fact, whenever he talks to her its always "yes sir" or "no sir"--it doesn't matter if he's here or across the globe they treat him like that. I don't understand the power he has, but I do wish he'd share. I also realize that in addition to the normal moodiness of this age, that she is struggling with Danny being gone and is testing my limits. Doesn't make it easier, but in hind sight it helps to realize it.

Well, I finally decided I had to do something. That something was get back to my praying. I had slipped on making sure I had my quiet time with the Lord every morning. I know that I am a calmer version of myself when I have had time with my Bible and prayer, but I had been lazy. So I started this week off on the right foot and have spent every morning getting back to my Bible and praying. It has helped me keep my cool--maybe not completely--but I'm not loosing it as bad as I was.

The other thing I'm doing is I'm getting back to tucking the kids in bed and singing to them. My special song with my kids is "You are my Sunshine." It started out as my song for Bryce but Jace loves it too so its both of their favorite song for me to sing to them. At any rate, I tuck them in, we pray, and I sing to them.

With everything I had to do, and how tired I was all the time, I had gotten away from that. I really think that extra time focusing on them is helping. It helps Bryce go to sleep happy--even if I send her upstairs crying before that.

Well, tonight I started crying while singing it because it brought back a lot of memories of her as my little baby girl. I sang that song to her all the time when she was an infant. I started singing it as our good morning song when I was in the Army. I would have to go in and get her ready for daycare at 5 in the morning and I'd sing her that song as we got ready. Danny was deployed then too, so it was just us girls. I ended up singing it to her more and more. While we were rocking, or getting ready for bed, or in the tub, singing soothed her so I would sing that song to her a lot (I didn't have a lot of songs stockpiled in my memory LOL). I even remember singing that song into a video camera that one of the civilian contractors had--and he emailed it back to my mom so they could play it on the computer for Bryce. Tonight, as I sang that song to Bryce, I remembered cradling this perfect little angel--and I realized tonight that my angel still needs me to cuddle and treat her like that infant sometimes--and I'm okay with it ;)

Here are some pics of when she was smaller--none of her infant pics are on my hard drive so I'll have to scan some for you tomorrow.

This was Bryce at 1 1/2. We were in South Dakota to pick her up after Danny and I had returned from our deployment.

This was during Danny's third deployment. We went to a county fair near Atlanta with the in-laws and Bryce and I did the fun house :). Bryce is around 3 in this picture.