Day 15

 I realize that the day isn't over yet, but by the time we get to the end of the day I am going to be too tired to blog.  Its one of those days were I think I will be going to bed early.  Or as early as possible.  Heck, I'd be in bed now if I could.  But we still have small group tonight and of course I have the kids and I think they'd revolt if I tried to tell them it was bedtime at 4 in the afternoon.

Today started great.  I just wish it would have stayed that way.  On the way to church I could feel I was a little off.  I got a little upset over Jace taking his time and fooling around when he should have been getting ready, but I didn't raise my voice just said we need to leave and lets get moving.  At church, a place I normally feel very connected, I started to feel lonely and sad.  It wasn't anything anyone did or didn't do.  I love my church, I love the message (and today was no different--I am going to get weird in my finances--or rather Danny & I both), and I love the people I serve with.  I couldn't even begin to tell you why I felt that way.  It just was.  I do know that I have the enemy whispering in my ear playing with all my insecurities, knocking all my dreams, and just plain playing with my emotions today. 

In case you don't know I serve in the children's ministry at church and it was towards the end that something hit me and I was about to start bawling.  I hurried to leave and grab the kids.  But of course the kids are uncooperative--or at least Jace.  He starts in with his whining and pouting about not wanting to leave.  Now--I love the fact that he loves being at church, but I am sick to death of his whining every time its time to go or whining if we go somewhere he doesn't want to.  But I calmly get him to get going.  I make it to the car and tell the kids that I'm sad and could they please just do what I ask them.  They seemed to listen, but no sooner are we 10 minutes down the road then Jace elbows Bryce in the face.  All I see/hear is Bryce tattling--in a pretty calm voice meaning she didn't get hit that hard at all.  Well, that was the straw that broke the camels back.  I started yelling at them.  I yelled about the whining, and the tattling.  I threatened that we'd become hermits (I'd like nothing more right now) and there would be no golf, no football, no jgroup, nothing until I can count on them to listen.  By this time I'm crying & the kids are crying.  We sit the rest of the way home in silence. 

I know Danny is waiting on facebook to chat with us so I get on there.  He talks to the kids--they listen better to him-- both when he's here and when he's half way around the world--very frustrating in a good way.  I talk to him and feel much better--as always.  He always knows what to say to make me feel better. 

I get off facebook to take a nap--in the hopes that I'll feel better and because I am exhausted.  Of course--my kids who had been playing quietly need something every 15 minutes so I'm getting cranky again.  I'm not sure if the nap helped or not.  But we are going to small group.  I wasn't sure all morning.  But I always feel good after jgroup so we're going.  If it gets to be too much I am sure they won't get mad if we leave early.  Hopefully I can loose my crabby mood.